Stardate: 42823.2
Original Air Date: May 22, 1989
Writer: Melinda M. Snodgrass
Director: Winrich Kolbe
“Sometimes you just have to bow to the absurd.”
Picard has just come from a meeting with Admiral Moore on Starbase 73 where they discussed a mysterious pulsing S.O.S. distress beacon coming from “Terran” in the Ficus Sector (a code that hasn’t been used in centuries, it was last used by the “European Hegemony” –a loose alliance formed in the early part of the 22nd century and one of the first stirrings of world government). Riker and Picard research all earth deep-space launches headed toward the Ficus Sector from 2123 until 2190 but nothing comes up. Who could be out there requesting help?
Meanwhile Worf starts breathing heavily and acting strangely on the bridge before suddenly collapsing. Dr. Pulaski is quickly summoned to the bridge to deal with the medical emergency. She soon discovers that Worf has “rop’ngor” –a childhood ailment, the Klingon version of the measles. This greatly embarrasses Worf so Dr. Pulaski lies to Captain Picard by claiming that Worf fainted from excessive fasting during a Klingon ritual. As a reward, Worf shares a dangerous Klingon Tea Ceremony with Dr. Pulaski.
Data speaks with Picard about a missing ship during the chaotic years of the early 22nd century –the S.S. Mariposa (a DY-500 ship) loaded in 2123 with the purpose of colonization and helmed by Captain Walter Granger. Was the ship filled with utopians? Why would there be a record of a manifest but not a recor of the ship departure? It was apparently loaded with all manner of sophisticated technology. In the early 22nd century, earth was recovering from World War III, a major philosopher of the time was Liam Dieghan, founder of the neo-transcendentalists who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature.
When the Enterprise arrives in the Ficus System, Data notes that the system’s sun has entered a period of severe flare activity, and that the flares will begin brushing nearby planets within 3.6 hours. There are Class-M readings from the fifth planet in the system (Bringloid V) and human life form readings thirty meters below the planet’s surface.
Picard orders Riker to lead a landing party for evacuation of approximately 200 people, but the episode takes a silly turn as a group of Irish rustics and their animals suddenly fill the Enterprise, and a goofball named Danilo Odell (Barrie Ingham) who quickly begins trying to find a husband among the crew for his firecracker daughter Brenna Odell (Rosalyn Landor). Riker is soon smitten with her as the crew investigates a fire the Irishmen started… but why didn’t the Enterprise educate the guests about how the food dispensers work?
Danilo Odell then reveals there is another nearby colony that was also launched by the same ship three hundred years ago, but when the Enterprise arrives, Counselor urges caution, the prime minister appears to be hiding something. They also meet Victor Granger, minister of health, and chief of staff Elizabeth Vallis. However, it quickly becomes apparent that the entire colony is composed of clones. The prime minister explains that 300 years ago, during landing the skin of their ship was breached and only 5 colonists survived. The scientist-progenitors turned to cloning. They suppressed the natural urge for sexual reproduction and now they find sex repugnant. Now, the prime minister wishes to create clones of all the Enterprise crewmen to add new DNA to their dilemma of “replicative fading” but Picard, Riker, and crew reject the request. Then the prime minister claims to have technical malfunctions on the planet’s surface in need of repair.
Unsurprisingly, the Mariposan colonists quickly stun Riker and Dr. Pulaski in order to steal some of their epithelial cells…. but not Geordi for some reason. Also, Riker and Pulaski have had their memory erased somehow and when Geordi tells them of what happened, they invade the cloning facility and destroy the newly created clones of themselves. As a confrontation ensues over the need for the clones to continue their population numbers or else die out, Picard and team come up with the idea that what the clones truly need is “breeding stock” –or the Bringloidi who are already aboard the ship. It will be best for bio-diversity if each woman has at least three children by three different men. In the end, Picard manages to persuade the fiery Brenna Odell to stick with the plan as she suddenly grows interested in the Mariposan prime minister because he likely has more than ‘two coins’ to rub together. Thus ends this rather ridiculous outing.
My Thoughts on “Up the Long Ladder”
An absolutely bonkers, cartoonishly ridiculous mess of an episode, “Up The Long Ladder” is filled with all manner of tonally ridiculous stereotypes: whiskey-drinking Irishmen and money-grubbing women as well as loose plot threads about Worf experiencing a medical condition (was this really resolved in the first few minutes?) in addition to a potentially deadly Klingon tea drinking ritual, Riker sleeping with Brenna (whatever happened to this romantic excursion?) and even a jarringly sudden pivot to cloning and eugenics. Chalk this one up to an amusing mixture of several scripts awkwardly squeezed together. Ultimately, “Up the Long Ladder” was a failure.
Star Trek Trivia:
- The title for this episode (“Up the Long Ladder”) is taken from an old Irish anti-Protestant rhyme.
- Melinda M. Snodgrass initially wrote this story as a critique of xenophobic anti-immigrant, anti-refugee policies in the United States. The original episode was entitled “Send in the Clones.” The episode also explores the topic of abortion.
- In this episode Data gives some background exposition on the 22nd century: In the early 22nd century, earth was recovering from World War III, a major philosopher of the time was Liam Dieghan, founder of the neo-transcendentalists who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature.
- In this episode, Worf performs a Klingon Tea Ceremony for Dr. Pulaski –the tea is deadly as the Klingons face mortality and read poetry.
- The planet Bringloid V comes from the Irish word for “dream.”
- “Rop’ngor” is a childhood ailment, the Klingon version of the measles.