“They… they’re moving!”
It is a hot, sticky summer day and Joe Burton is playing ping-pong with his annoying older sister Mindy (an OCD child who puts all her books in alphabetical order by author’s last name, and organizes her clothes in rainbow order). They are later joined by Joe’s best friend and neighbor Michael “Moose” McCall. Joe feels odd in his family –he is short and pudgy with brown hair, while his sister and parents are all blonde and tall. The Burton family has a giant Rottweiler named Buster who causes havoc in the neighborhood, particularly with their neighbor, Mr. McCall, who values his prized garden more than anything. Joe wears a dog whistle to help keep Buster in line. Joe’s Dad, Jeffrey, and their neighbor, Mr. McCall (an army veteran), are obsessed with gardening. Each year, they compete for a blue ribbon for who has the best garden. Last year, Joe and his dad won the blue ribbon for their tomatoes, but this year, Mr. McCall is growing strange orange-green melons called casabas, along with corn, zucchini, tomatoes and other plants (one wonders what climate this story might take place in?)
Also, and most importantly, Joe’s dad loves collecting tacky lawn ornaments. The Burton yard is filled with a bunch of haphazard junk: pink plastic flamingoes, a cement angel, a chrome ball on a silver platform, plaster skunks, a foundation with two kissing swans, a seal balancing a beach ball, a chipped plaster deer. One afternoon, Joe and Mindy’s dad takes them to his beloved gardening store called “Lawn Lovely.” Here, he spots a pair of lawn gnomes to add to his collection. They are three feet tall and chubby, with red eyes and large pointy ears, as well as bright-green short-sleeved shirts, brown leggings, and tall orange pointy hats. They were apparently carved in Europe. Joe’s dad names them Chip and Hap –Chip (because one of the gnomes has a chip) and Hap (short for “Happy”).
But very quickly bad things start happening. Mr. McCall’s casaba melons are tampered with and everybody blames Buster the dog. Joe starts hearing strange whispering sounds in the front yard and Buster starts howling. One night, he tries to sneak out but Mindy catches him. Joe then sarcastically says he is heading out to damage Mr. McCall’s melons. The next morning, the neighborhood is shocked to find Mr. McCall’s melons covered in black marker-drawn smiley faces. When Mindy shares the fact that she caught Joe out in the night, Joe is subsequently grounded by his parents. He tries to explain his suspicions about the gnomes, but nobody believes him (he spots a melon seed in the mouth of the one of the gnomes, then sees their facial expressions suddenly change, and later he notices black paint on their hands). Finally, the gnomes disappear entirely.
The climax comes when the gnomes attack Joe, Moose, and Mindy on a moonlit night, but before chaos can ensue, the gnomes quickly explain that they mean no harm. They are simply “mischief gnomes” who were once hardworking creatures from a forest in Europe but their mines were closed and their forest was cut down. They were then kidnapped from their country and forced to stand still all day like enslaved lawn ornaments. Unfortunately, Joe, Moose, and Mindy decide to help the gnomes as they are led back to the store to hopefully help rescue the other six gnomes trapped in the basement. However, things don’t go according to plan. Once they reach the basement, Chip and Hap change their tune and announce they have kept their promise to the other gnomes as an entire army of hundreds of gnomes all start advancing on the children.
Joe, Moose, and Mindy are then imprisoned by the gnomes. In a last-ditch effort to escape, Joe tries to summon Buster with his dog whistle, but during a struggle against the gnomes over the whistle, Joe finally snags it and blows, but all the gnomes suddenly freeze. It turns out they weren’t afraid of the dog coming, but rather the dog whistle, since the whistle apparently makes the gnomes all return to their “trance state.”
The next day, Joe’s dad is disappointed that someone has seemingly stolen all his gnomes, but now he has purchased a new lawn ornament, a gigantic gorilla for display instead… and as Joe mutters some cautionary words to the gorilla, he sees it wink back at him!
My Thoughts on Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes
Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes is about as silly as you might imagine. This is a predictable Goosebumps installment and drags on at various points. In this book, we return to the horror concept of inanimate objects coming to life and causing mayhem a la the Night of the Living Dummy series or The Twilight Zone episode “Living Doll” with Talky Tina or even the Chucky movies. But Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes is not even slightly scary, nor is it even interesting for that matter. It leaves lots of unanswered questions: Where exactly did the lawn gnomes come from? How did they come to life? What are the rules around dog whistles with respect to the lawn gnomes? Are they temporarily frozen after the whistle is blown? Or is it permanent? What happens to the gnomes after they are frozen in the basement? And, throughout the book, why do all the adults get angry at Joe and the dog Buster, and yet fail to solve the problem themselves? Why not build a stronger fence around the garden to keep Buster out? Or find some other method of protection besides simply blaming Joe for the actions of a dog? Apparently, R.L. Stine said he didn’t care for Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes and I have to agree with him.
Corresponding Episode Review
The old Fox Kids television episode for “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” is surprisingly fun and campy. It’s a bit different from the book: the gnomes are more malicious in the episode and the show uses unique practical effects bring the gnomes to life uniquely well. Also, the neighbor character, Mr. McCall, is portrayed far more forcefully in the episode (the show plays up his military experience as he dresses like an old grizzled war hero and he is known as “Major McCall”). Neither Moose nor Buster appear in the episode and the twist at the end of the episode is slightly different. Instead of Joe using a dog whistle, the kids’ flashlights actually freeze the gnomes in the end, and as the episode comes to an close, the gnomes attack “Major McCall” and transform him into a gnome, himself! It’s good nostalgic fun for a cheesy ‘90s television show.
Stine, R.L. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes. Scholastic, Inc., New York, NY, 1995.